Endings and Beginnings

You thought I had forgotten about MiddleEastMatt, didn't you?  Truth be told, the last couple weeks got pretty busy and I got lazy, but I do want to finish this blog with one last post.

Today, I feel, is an appropriate time to close the book on my experiences in Jerusalem.  Today is Easter, and thus we're celebrating the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior from the tomb.  As a family we read in Luke about the trial, the crucifixion, the burial...and I thought of my experiences that I myself had in those same places: the Mount of Olives; Golgotha; the Temple Mount; and others.  Of course my experiences in Israel are over--I won't ever be in ridiculously close quarters with my 90+ friends who experienced Israel with me, singing crazy songs, having dance parties on the bus, gossiping about couples making out in the bomb shelter, or doing the Waka at the Pyramids.  BUT, as I reflect on this last semester (which went quick as a wink, by the way), I realize that coming home marked the beginning of a new phase in my life.  My testimony of the Savior has taken on a much different texture, and I am now out of the spiritual slump that I felt for the year following my mission.  I'm ready to give everything I am and will be to the Church without any reserve.  And, I will keep the memories I made with me for the rest of my life as I begin to understand what Jesus' life REALLY means in the context I spent so much time learning about.

I loved Israel with all my heart.  I look back on the time when I first applied for the program and can't believe that I didn't want to go!  But God knew that I needed it, and that I would come back a completely changed person.  So many have commented that I'm much happier since I got back, my family in particular.  And they're right--I want to be and am actually happy now; consistently.  Thank goodness God doesn't ever give up on His children.  But the important thing to realize is that Israel in and of itself didn't change me--the Spirit did.  It was because of the experiences I had learning about Jesus and my personal relationship with both Him and the Father that my faith was renewed and my spiritual well-being revitalized.  And, as I mentioned in a previous post, the Lord now dwells in His holy temples and in the voice of His servants.  Israel is a great place with a special history and future, and indeed God is watching over Jerusalem.  But for now, our responsibility and privilege lies in missionary work, the home, our communities, and LDS temples.  Jerusalem will be redeemed, but it's not a priority right now.

I testify the Savior lives.  He atoned for our sins, weaknesses, pains, and flaws because He loved us--"Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—
Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men" (D&C 19:18-19).  Glory to God and His Divine and Holy Son for the work they are performing, laboring in the vineyard for the salvation of the human family!  May I forever remember the sacred time I spent in Israel, never forgetting that the tomb is empty--"He is not here; for He is risen, as He said!"  Of these things I testify in the sacred name of He who descended below all things, even Jesus Christ, the Lord, amen.  

"Ring the Bells of Freedom!"

Our fieldtrip today was centered on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and our guide took us to the Separation Wall that separates Israel from the West Bank.  Without going too much into the politics of the whole issue, let me just say that the Lord has given me limitless opportunities having been born in America.  While the practical side of “freedom” can be complex (I refer the reader to modern politics), America is built on the right to exist and live happily without fear of molestation.  

Being right next to that wall was a surreal experience—it is something that has caused such remarkable controversy, such a barrier to life and civilization.  It separates families, causes political strife, and even generates armed resistance in some instances.  But, I take comfort in the fact that (at some point) the Separation Wall will come down; all do, even if not till “the End” (remember Berlin of ’89?).  Here’s a picture (there was a little boy drunk out of his mind across the street, by the way--grotesquely poetic):

I discovered a song by Bon Jovi that I listened to during the entire field trip yesterday to keep me in the right mood (“Bells of Freedom”).  The conflict is difficult (to say the least) for those living here, but there is still a message of hope: those hard moments in life that we think we can't overcome are surmountable, especially with the help of the Savior.  Even when faced with death, still they can "stand their ground and ring the bells of freedom!"  Think about the conflict in the Middle East as you read the song.  I’ll put some words in Mr. Jovi’s mouth and say that Jesus’ influence is implied in these verses ;)

"Bells Of Freedom"
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38BE-4fBiHE
or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WydNJpLi3OI)

I have walked all alone On these streets, I call home
Streets of hope, streets of fear Through the sidewalk cracks Time disappears
I was lost, on my knees On the eve of defeat
As i choked back the tears There's a silent scream no-one could hear
So far away from everything, you know it's true
Something inside that makes you know what you've got to do

Ring the bells, ring them loud
Let them ring here and now
Just reach out and ring the bells of freedom
When your world's crashing down like you've lost every round
Stand your ground
And ring the bells of freedom

Up the steps of the church Through the fields in the dirt
In the dark I have seen That the sun still shines for the one who believed
So far away, so full of doubt, you needed proof
Just close your eyes, and hear the sound inside of you

Ring the bells, ring them loud
Let them ring here and now
Just reach out and ring the bells of freedom
When your world's crashing down like you've lost every round
Stand your ground
AND RING THE BELLS OF FREEDOM!

Halloween: Holy Land Style!!

YIKES! It has been such a crazy week.  I can't believe how stressed I have been, but after countless hours of studying and three hours of final exams it's finally over!!  And, we concluded it with a bomb diggity Halloween party that pretty much describes the most epic night of my life!  After finals we all got into our costumes.  I dressed up as Bro. Muhlestein, Mike was 3-hole-punch Jim, and Robert taped a paper cutout of spongebob on his shirt (haha).  We waited in our rooms for the 15 or so kids to come trick or treating.  They were super cute.  Even our Judaism teacher got in on the fun, and brought his kids along :)  Afterwards we went upstairs for dinner; I can't believe how creative and resourceful everyone was with so little to make costumes out of!  There were some really cool ones.  Andrew, Brant, and Justin dressed up as ancient conquerors (Sennacherib, Nebuchadnezzar, and Shishak); Tessa and Stephanie were ghost busters; Jessica wore a whole bunch of balloons; Kelsey Woods was a tree; and Megan dressed up as Robert Buss.

After dinner we had a group picture and then did a whole bunch of little activities (kind of a carnival deal), including biting apples in teams, a cake walk, carving vegetables (we don't have pumpkins lol), and face painting.  It was a lot of fun, everybody was in a great mood, and we're all thrilled to death that finals are over.  We ended the evening voting for best costumes and everything, then we had a dance party in the Oasis.  It was a good day!

Thanks so much to Meredith and Tahna for being such great (and patient!) study buddies, love you guys :)  Now it's back to having a life, I'm going to go buy a shawarma tomorrow!
  

Legacies

We just finished watching a video about Emma for a combined Priesthood/Relief Society meeting, naturally including a lot of stuff from church history.  Especially with our trip to Bethlehem this last week, I got thinking about the heritage that I enjoy.  I know that the Lord is aware of me, but sometimes I wonder how I fit into the big picture.  Think about it this way:

Studying here in Jerusalem this semester, particularly the Old Testament, has reiterated to me my connection with the House of Israel.  I belong to a line of royalty and spiritual favor, closely watched and guided by the Lord.  As if that isn't enough, I descend from the tribe of Ephraim, granted some of the choicest blessings that the Lord could give in the gathering of said house during the last days.  I have been granted the privilege of possessing the priesthood authority of the Lord.  Cool, eh?

This movie we watched reminded me of the great heritage I can appreciate as a descendant of faithful church members.  The early days of the Church were full of difficult circumstances that stretched far beyond what I have ever had to bear; and these people are my ancestors!  They made it through some tough stuff, including the trip to Utah, and now I enjoy the fruits of what they sewed.  I honor them for the sacrifices they made.

Lastly I write about my connection to the Savior.  We visited Bethlehem and are celebrating His birth as we begin our study of the New Testament this week.  But it wouldn't mean anything without the spiritual legacy He has left every one of the Father's children.  As fallen sons of Adam we deserve no inheritance--no place in the kingdom of God, no part in His glory.  Yet through the Atonement we can be forgiven and, as Paul said, become "joint heirs" with Christ.  Abinadi explains that those who take the Savior's name upon them (i.e. those that make and keep sacred covenants) are His offspring, His seed--coupled with our relationship as literal children of God the Father, indeed we could ask for no better lineage!  Children of the Highest, and offspring of the Lord of Lords!  What more could I ask for?

With that in mind I return to my original thought: do I actually fit into the big picture?  Is God really guiding my life, and does He have a hand in my past and my future?  Maybe, just maybe ;)

25 Oct 2010: concluding a bomb.com week

Wow, what a week!  We've been pretty busy!  I suppose there's no need for small talk so I might as well jump right into it:

1) snorkeling in Eilat; we took a bus early in the morning down to the Gulf of Aqaba and spent the day swimming!  There was music, gorgeous blue water, lots of fun people to chill with, and funny experiences to laugh about.  Oh yes, and we went to a kibbutz for dinner.  No, it's not the German word for chocolate--it's a Jewish community that lives independently.  we had chicken and fries there!  I love french fries, and I miss them desperately.  Thus they tasted wonderful!  I also walked along a weird (and long!) line of stores with Jake, Jocelyn, and Stephanie, they're some of my favorite people in the world.  Thanks guys =)

2) Passover Celebration!  Ok ok, that wasn't this last week but we did it the week before.  Bitter herbs and unleavened bread, not to mention Charles' Jewish rap!  Our Jewish Civilization teacher came and conducted it.  To make it even better it was like a date because I sat by myself with Alyssa (we had a good time though!), and of course the grape juice bottles looked like wine so I automatically felt more sophisticated.  Oh, and in the middle of the song our group did we forgot which words we were singing and all awkwardly stopped.  Talk about classy!

3) The Un-talent show--easily the best event of my entire life.  A variety show hosted by the JC's two greatest MCs EVER: Brant Peacock and Andrew Hardman.  Nobody else would really get half the jokes because they're all from our experiences this semester, but it was pretty dang funny.  I picked out the piano part for "My Little Buttercup" and did that with them, Tessa sang "I don't wanna be alone this Christmas" and it was basically my favorite, Jake walked out just before his number without his shirt on, James and Co. did the Waka Waka (Brant called out Dr. Chadwick as the one man that "kept peace from the world"... :S ), and my roommate Robert sang "The Marvelous Toy" =)  I can die a happy man.

I have to throw in a random note: everyone has been working on Dr. Musallam's midterm this week, which was basically a 15 pg. single-spaced document covering a whole bunch of topics connected to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.  Barf.

Last but not least: our trip to Bethlehem today. I wasn't in the greatest mood but it was a great trip!   James started the morning by having us listen to "Take a Walk Through Bethlehem" to boost yuletide spirit, then we spent the morning listening to a professor talk about Israeli settlement projections and then went over to Bethlehem University to interact with the students there and see the campus (it was really neat!)  About 700 out of 3000 students are Catholic and 2300 are Muslim, but they get along just fine :) I'm glad someone has figured life out.  Wow it's is tough for people here!  (Bethlehem is in the West Bank area, by the way)  Robert and I had fun watching some guys play basketball, I wish I could've played.  We had lunch at a great place called "The Tent" (yes, it was a tent!), then vamoosed over to the church built on the traditional nativity site of the Savior's birth.  We stood in line for quite a long time and then we had to move really quickly through the grotto, but it was fun and it was nice and cool inside :)  Afterwards we sang Christmas hymns in a Catholic Cathedral (probably the best part) and then drove back home.  I'm really sad because today was our last field trip with our OT teacher (Father Judd), I'm really gonna miss him.  Oh, and my deepest thanks to Jocelyn, Andrew, Ann, Justin, Jake, Tarah and Megan Gygi today for talking with me and putting up with my unfiltered personality today. I really appreciate it, and I really needed it--thank you :)

For those who don't want to read a bit of a depressing deal just skip this paragraph.  I had a sad realization today: I was sitting by my buddy Tarah on the bus, and we weren't talking much so I asked "do you find it hard to keep a conversation going with me?" (an awkward question, to be sure). The answer was affirmative, and I got thinking about social dynamics (another James quote: "I respect your honesty, but it still hurts").  Unfortunately I feel like I'm not very close friends with many here, that a significant portion of the "79 new friends" I have are merely surface (almost political) friendships.  Some are friends when it's convenient, some never are, some are friends when they want help with something, and some try to be good friends even though they may not really want to.  In short, it's not necessarily because of the person himself or herself like it is in natural friendships.  I wouldn't bring it up in a blog that's supposed to be full of good experiences and inspiring stories, but it has been weighing unbearably heavily on my mind for the past while (to the point of tears some days).  I try so hard but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference sometimes.  I'm not the only one that has struggled with this issue, either.  Sigh...I think I need to get outside of myself and serve people more, then I won't spend so much time thinking about myself.  Thankfully the Savior is always there, and He knows better than anyone what it feels like to be deserted by those whom He called His friends.  In any event, here's another shout-out to all my friends (including my family!) that care about me--the ones that look for me to talk to, ask to sit by me, talk me through my hard days, and care about my happiness enough to push past my defense mechanisms.  You're literally heaven-sent and I desperately need your support, even more than all the times that I express it to you.  A thousand thanks and God bless you! ='')

Some friends got me into XKCD, sometimes inappropriate but usually hilarious.  I found one that describes me to the t:



Quote of the Day Award goes to James.  We were asking if anyone had gotten divorced that had gotten engaged here in the JC, someone jokingly asked if any of the older service couples had, and James said "oh but some have probably died by now!"  Oops.  Obviously I laughed heartily (what a great word).

Bedtime.  'night!

Day Thirty-Two: 2 Oct 2010

An excellent day!  I woke up and it was fast Sunday, but I got to sleep in a little bit at least lol.  It was a beautiful day outside, and really hazy for some reason.  I went to choir to support my friend Tessa at 9, we sang at 9:55, and we started church at 10 as usual.  We had our fast and testimony meeting today because we didn’t have conference till 6pm (eight hour difference between here and Utah), and I got that “you know you should get up” feeling so I jumped up as soon as the first counselor sat down.  It was one of those times in my life where I actually ENJOYED bearing my testimony because I felt so good and so happy about life.  I talked a bit about how I’ve been out of sync with God lately and it’s wonderful to get that peaceful feeling back as I make the necessary adjustments (not big ones, by the way).  I got to share my experience about the Book of Mormon from when I was 12, as well as testify that I’ve physically FELT the Savior’s presence in my life.  (don’t get too used to this—today was a rare day lol).  Anyway, I enjoyed it immensely and lots of people were gracious enough to comment =)  After 1^st hour I went to Brant’s lesson in Gospel Doctrine about building walls for protection and standing in holy places (I sat by Alison and enjoyed myself), then went and played for the primary kids with James in third hour (which is always fun and fun-ny).  I passed the rest of the afternoon talking with my roommates and listening to music with Robert.  We had a great dinner at 4pm and I talked with a bunch of people for an hour and a half or so before I went downstairs to get ready for conference.  I particularly enjoyed Elder Christofferson’s talk and Pres. Uchtdorf’s humor!  I was disappointed I didn’t get to see Dad too much, but I am glad to see that there are more black members of the Choir.  I found some sheet music for Chopin’s Fantasie Impromptu and Rachmaninoff’s g-minor Prelude so that I can polish them up a bit better, it felt good to practice again =)  Now I’m just finishing up some stuff and going to bed.  Hopefully tomorrow is as good as today was!  

Day Thirty-One: 1 Oct 2010

Today was another pretty academic day.  I got up and went to OT class, had class with Chadwick for an hour and a half (he went 45 minutes over…grr), and spent the rest of the day in free time doing homework and goofing around.  People are starting to finalize their polarity (i.e. they’re pretty much finished deciding what groups of friends they belong to) and it’s getting kind of lonely.  Shrug…well, that’s life.  I got to play Josh’s violin today and that was pretty fun, and Robert Clawson just so happens to know Rachmaninov’s g-minor Prelude hahaha (he doesn’t take as much liberty with it as I used to—random).  I guess tonight we’re going to be watching “Journey of Faith,” from what I hear it’s about Lehi and his traveling across the Arabian peninsula.  Goodnight!